Now you see it, now you don’t!

"Now you see it, now you don’t!"– A famous tagline by Chipsmore came to mind as I went through the experience of losing a dear friend recently. It’s all still so fresh in my mind. It was a Sunday morning, when I got a call stating my friend’s demise. I personally found it hard to believe. I recall, as I was rushing to get dressed, I was hoping so much that this wasn’t true and that it was a mistake. I remember the journey to meet him, me and my boyfriend was hoping so much it was merely a prank. I remember the emotions I felt and the thoughts that were running through my head. “Is this really happening? Why? How did it happen? No, this can’t be happening. It has to be a joke”. These thought were haunting me the whole time. When we arrived at the mortuary, that’s where it all hit me and I broke down. I was speechless as it was then I realize, this was really happening. He was lying there, cold with neither a breath, nor a movement. I am still trying to digest the fact that our friend left us that day. Left us at very early stage of our lives and that he will not be there in the rest of our journey in this world.

Such a carefree guy he was. He lived his life to the fullest each day. He was a good friend, good son, and good family member to his relatives as well to his colleagues. He always made me smile; his nature was to always be there for those around him. Be it a friend, a family member, a colleagues or a person who he just met, he always had a way to make us all smile and have a good time with his very own style. I am sure God took him away for a reason. I’m guessing it is to make him one of the guardian angels to look after us. God knew he had the heart of a child, so pure and innocent and decided to take him away from this materialistic world to a better place. And even though he won’t be here with us in person, he will always remain in our hearts and prayer each step of our lives.

Sometimes we tend to take things and people around us for granted that we never realize that nothing in life is certain. Nothing at all is certain, but death. Yet we as humans take everything else for granted except for death. Death doesn’t look at age. Death comes by fate. Why do we care so much of our own lives, when it hurts more to see someone else we love go? Why can’t we just care for ourselves and our loved ones around just as much l. We can never bring back time, we can never bring back people from the dead, we can never unsay words that have been said, we can never change the past. However what we can do is to make a change today. To ensure that we are aware of our actions, to be certain of the things we say cause who knows, that may just be the last thing we say or the last time we meet someone.

Walking Away to a New Begining..

There comes a time in your life where despite all the efforts, all the sacrifices, all the love, all the hopes and all the dreams, one will have to give up and just walk away. Thinking back, I realize I haven't been fortunate when it came to love and relationships. Even though the relationships in my life lasted long, they always had an end. I wouldn't deny that I have been blessed with the best of people in my life and with some of the most beautiful moments over the years, but somehow the partners I've chosen could not walk into the future with me. And even though the endings to my breakups weren't as cold as most breakups are, it hurt me every time to undergo this feeling that sometimes I may feel I was made to be alone. Could I have continued waiting and trying to make it work? Of course, but I guess "Once the elastic breaks. You can re-tie it, but there is now a knot, and suddenly that perfect perception of the other person is slightly tainted. Sometimes we can recover from this, and sometimes we can't. " And I guess I've come to a point where I realize that we cannot recover from this. Hence we have to move on. Do I regret loving? Do I regret falling? Not at all, simply because I feel that all this is just a phase in life and things I need to undergo to find the right one finally. The feeling of falling in love and staying in love is so wonderful that I'd do it repeatedly. Although there is a saying that in life, don't get too attached to people or things cause when you lose what you're connected to, you are bound to break. I'd still give love my all cause I believe it's not love and not a relationship if you hold back. And if it's not meant to be and if I was bound to be hurt again, I'd know in the end, I'd learn to be wiser, more mature, and it would give me a clearer picture of the kind of man I want in my life. I have always showered more love than my relationship partner, not expecting much in return. Still, I guess the least I expected was the appreciation and for that one not to walk away when the relationship seemed rocky. To not give up on all the love and efforts put in place. At least not give up without a fight and instead help and try to fix it together as one. The saying "for a relationship to work, we got to work on the relationship" makes absolute sense. When nothing is left to do, and all has been said and done, it is best to walk away, although it may seem easier to continue fighting for a familiar face and be in a comfortable place than to let go and start all over. People deal with breakups in many ways, and I guess there isn't a perfect way to get over it. For me, I am aware of the loss, and I am clear about what I am losing, and I know I am hurting. At the same time, I see a reason, a new beginning, and I am trying to come out of it in the best way, in a way that leaves me no confusion and in a way that will uplift me more than bring me down. In simple words, I'm healing the way I feel I should recover, and I want to heal well, to open my heart again to someone who deserves the pure undivided love in me and for me to accept his love and start a brand new story someday.