Of course, everyone thinks of being happy, everyone thinks of achieving something and basically everyone cares about what they can have and how they can have it.
Everyone wants to shine and in the midst of that, some people tend to criticize and lower others just to shine.
I remember when I was young about 5 years old , and when my brothers got scolding for not studying for their exams, I use to go to mom and dad and open a story book and say, “ I love to study!” and my brothers use to get all upset as I was practically rubbing salt and getting them into more trouble.
Well of course, I use to get more bullied for that act of mine when mom and dad weren’t around.
However, that sure did teach me something. I learnt that by doing that, I was losing the respect of my brothers. We were being separated with this act of mine.
And I realize, in life, people who do this, always tends to lose the respect from their co-workers, managers, friends, etc.
Even if they were not insulting the person they spoke to directly, it still shows a person’s thoughts and character.
And if one could go to someone to criticize about another, what stops one from going to another person to talk about the other person she/he has spoken to before.
Criticizing and gossiping is not the same as expressing your opinion out to someone.
It’s always believed that if you feel that someone has mistreated you/been unfair to you or you are upset with, go directly to the source and express how you feel. What difference does it make it you don’t share what you feel directly to the individual who upsetted you?
What’s the point talking about the matter to everyone else as it’s not going to fix the matter in anyway unless you go to the source directly.
All that talk just makes you more frustrated.
Some people may hate the idea of politics, and the idea of gossiping, without realizing that they are the ones who do it all the time.
How do you change your surrounding without changing yourself?
How can you stop gossiping? How can you stop an environment from having politics?
It starts with you. It starts with me. And it starts with us reminding each other when one does start gossiping on the fact that there is no point discussing this unless it’s going to be spoken to the source directly. (Through and email/a call /face to face)
When you express what you feel directly to the source, you will also gain the respect from the person you express to as you rather came to him/her directly rather than talk behind his/her back.
Just put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What would you rather a person you have unintentionally/ intentionally upset you do ?
The bigger a company I believe it’s harder but it’s not impossible.
The smaller a company it’s easier to have a close bonded relationship between co-workers and managers. (Especially in a HR company where we teach and train and consult on these matters, I am sure we should be the best to practice it.)
Why do people gossip? List it down. When you narrow down the reasons, you’d probably never consider doing that.
Try it.
You’ll be surprised with the reason you come up with and you would not want to be categorized as any of them.
In any working environment, there are many types of people, some that just does their work and care less of making a difference, some that does the work and expect more from the company and complains, some who work, wanting to make a difference but can be perceived wrongly by others, some that just criticizes everything that comes along , some that are in our Malay terms, ‘lalang’, some that just keeps quiet and may have all the ideas ye choose not to say anything and many other types of people.
You determine the type you want to be.
In anywhere, It’s either you are contributing or you are not.
And the value of contribution boils down to your environment and what difference are you making it.
So if you want to be happy where ever you are, I feel the happiest feeling you to have is by making a difference either in a person, a passerby, a friend, a family member or an organization itself.
Making a difference having no strings attached and no expectation.
When you make yourself happy, only you are happy.
When you make a difference and others happy, you will feel 100X the feeling of happy you would have had making yourself happy.
Even if you are not acknowledged for it.
Deep down inside the happy feeling will be there as you know you made a difference for someone or something for the better and although you may not be appreciated for it, whatever difference you would have made that is practiced from then on is a contribution from you and you constant act.
Kapila Khindriya
